Karate Stallion

You be the judge.

The Japanese seem to have a lot of time on their hands.  Not only do they produce the most jacked up cartoons, game shows, and reality tv in the world, they also wanted to weigh in on the Tonight Show debacle with an utterly bizarre animation of their own.  Most folks who visit this blog don’t speak or read Japanese, but if you’re familiar with what’s going on at NBC, you can figure out what they’re saying pretty easily.

Sit on someone else’s couch to watch this.  It would suck to pee all over your own.

The internet continues to combine awesome things.  Muppets and Queen is now at the top of my list, with girls and cups a distant second.

European prank shows. They typically suck. A European televised prank normally consists of either a mime following some dude around for an extended period, someone’s head popping out of someone else’s covered dinner platter, or a topless girl directing traffic. I guess not all European pranks are awful.

However, the prank in this video evidently consisted of a dude walking around the mall and tossing a net on some random Eurotrash. He gets exactly what he deserves.

This commercial couldn’t be better.  It’s the most perfect piece of advertising every created.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but not getting this video up sooner ranks near the top.  Deepest apologies.

This.

Is.

Horrifying.

Um, yeah.  That was the funniest thing I had ever seen.

Worst obvious jokes:

1.  His show was immediately retitled “Neckbrace of Love”.
2.  There’s been a late addition to Poison’s greatest hits album.
3.  This was Michaels’ audition to play Curly in the upcoming Broadway production of “The Three Stooges”.
4.  Poison’s classic album “Open Up and Say…Ahh!” changed to the more contemporary “Open Up and Say…Oh God, I’m Bleeding from My Ears!”
5.  Fortunately the backdrop escaped with only one strain of syphilis.

“If you’re not somebody, then you’re gonna be somebody’s fool.”  Just like your parents, who bought their kid a motivational video from Mr. T.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Mr. T.   He’s probably the only man on earth I’d let spoon me.  But why do kids need a motivational video?  In 1984 (when this video was released), didn’t parents still use threats of no ice cream and the sting of belt on butt to use as motivators?  I don’t have kids yet, but I wonder if one day I’ll be tempted to buy a motivational video for my kids.   Will I see my kid sitting on the couch and think to myself, “Look at that little punk, just sitting there doing homework like an asshole.  He needs to get out there and be somebody.  If only there was someone who could inspire him to reach for the stars and wear lots of necklaces.”